I Have an Irrational Fear of Dying Before

By: Valerie Braylovskiy

Others who deserve to live longer leave first

We find a cure for the enigma of suffering

I learn guitar (which I’ve been learning for two years and will not ever learn)

My camera roll is organized based on importance and irrelevance

The afterlife (or lack thereof) is explained by a reputable scientist

I try every permutation of chocolate ice cream, including gelato and sorbet

A sunrise and sunset are witnessed in one day

I read all possible books pertaining to poetry and illness, separately and together

Someone asks to spend the night and I never see them again

Someone asks to spend the night and we fall in love

I get a tattoo I regret

I get another tattoo which I cherish like an unborn child

You tell me you read my work even though poetry is an ebbing craft I

respond thank you because writing produces self-loathing

My initials are carved somewhere public enough to be found years later

We become friends over the common bond of shared initials

I take a photo that replicates the memory of swimming in the pacific ocean

My raspberry jam recipe is perfected to last me one year’s worth of breakfast

I hug all the redwood trees at purisma park

Love is demystified and required as a fundamental element of being alive

The debate of mind over matter is resolved

I study my mind like a student who learns there is always more to learn

We invent a shaving razor that actually works

Those who didn’t believe in me apologize

I tell those who did thank you

I discover the reasons for staying alive

I practice them

I accept no one fully understands why and don’t ask further questions

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Valerie Braylovskiy is a writer whose curiosity for the world is driven by examining and uncovering anomalies in seemingly ordinary expe-riences, people, places, and thoughts. She is a second-year college student and lives in San Francisco, CA. Her work has been featured in places including Agave Review, The Helix Magazine, and Allegheny Review. Her debut poetry chapbook, Half-life, will be published by Alien Buddha Press in 2023.