By: Jason Youngclaus
Not trying to be morose here,
Really — I’m not
This is a positive thought:
When I die my wish is that
My ashes be ground up into
A tenuous yet stern golf ball shaped mass, and
At sunset one fine day
Driven off the first tee at the Old Course at St. Andrews, Scotland
By the oldest surviving member of my extended family
With still functioning limbs
And a decent enough swing to get the job done.
A fine thought indeed I think as I settle back in my beach chair
Staring straight out into the teeth of the Atlantic Ocean
Sunburnt and ragged from yet another up and down round at Bass River.
There go the remains of my remains;
Rocketed heavenward for a brief intermission of perfection
In a moment camouflaged by fog and leftover morning dew
Then violently wrestled back down
To the damp, sodden earth
Partly scattered into a prickly Gorse bush.
By first light I’ll be cut up in a mower
Into fertilized lamb shank by a hungover groundskeeper.
What better a final act as a
Semi-contained quasi-visible organism
Then to make that final balloon tour around the home of golf?
What a swan song!
And what better a gift to bestow
Upon the last surviving, fully limbed golfer in my family
Than to encourage him or her
To enjoy a luxury holiday, with other family members of course, in my honor
At less expense in both money and tears
Than would be my funeral
A sweet moon shot to oblivion
Courtesy of a blacksmith’s engineering
A mass of titanium
Curved imperceptibly to a 9.5 degree loft
This is what I firmly deserve, too
For introducing this diabolical gnome ridden game to you all.
But you all introduced me to another institution —- the church.
So I’d say we’re about even.
Donald Ross would surely approve of this, I think to myself,
As I take another smooth, proud draw
From the blue, widgeted Belhaven in my right hand.
I hope my ashes make it across this great pond in that urn
In as pure a condition as the rich malty ale in this can did.
Jason Youngclaus was born in Boston, Massachusetts in 1983. He graduated from College of the Holy Cross in 2005 with degrees in English and Philosophy. In 2006, he moved to Washington Heights, Manhattan to work as a political operative. He has stayed in NYC ever since, continuing work in this field --- and forming the Brooklyn based indie rock outfit, Cuba in 2008. His poetry will appear in upcoming editions of Junto Magazine and Swimming with Elephants Publications. Follow him on Instagram @Jyc_music.
He lives in the Bronx, NY with his girlfriend Bella. They would own a Siberian Husky if they could, but their landlord won't allow it.