C.N.P Poetry 

  • Cathexis Northwest Press

Expedition; Ghosted; Housewarming

By: Joseph Byrd



Expedition


It isn’t clear

which Solo cup of

ouzo turned the

river dark as we

talked till twilight.

In that fallen apse on the

far side of the Columbia

we’d peed hours prior

at a rest stop called

Dismal Nitch where

Lewis and Clark held

tight just before reaching the Pacific.

I should have done what you’d

said you didn’t want when we

shared a queen-sized bed that night.

You may as well have shaken

hands with me afterward

like a salesman

resting in the

doneness of his

deal. Did I forget to tell you?

I rose in the

wee hours, our motel’s balcony draped in

puce from what had

risen since holding tight in the cove of that

bed. You looked dead.

I knew peace would come.

But only after forgetting to tell you what

discoveries I’d make should your

corpse have been

mine.







Ghosted


No matter; two

weeks are years of time.

I have breathed an entire

sky, hoping not to

keen at what it means to

hear you not. I am no

torch. I have been no

loon of this summer’s

long-walked wondering; this heat that can

repeat the noise of “Whose am I?” as I

chew on my cheek when I think of what I have

wished to say to your

silences. There are so many.

I have held myself steady, readied. I have

known what open-hearted anesthesia can

be. And there are no

doors in me anymore that you could

knock on but for what slips sharply off the

shelf beneath my breath—that place where

all the wondering rests, embarrassing

gewgaw of these thousands of

hours of minutes since I last heard you say

yes, since I knew you would be

here to hear without this

falling, this forcing of me to

undress all the words I’d

hoped to wear with you.

How you could say

anything! And how

everything now is

saying nothing again,

again. I am afraid to stop

writing this. It will mean

so much, when it

ends.







Housewarming


I remember our unmowed lawn

gutted with gopher mounds and dandelion sod

our mailbox choking with bills from all the

spills we took down the basement stairs together.


I remember how our bedroom broke from waiting too long.

We had names for what it meant to drain beauty.

Our songs sounded better with blood.

And remember what you’d pray before bed?


Where, O where has my little god gone.

I can say things that stop traffic, too.

I can feel you wanting to yell a question into me.

But I cup your mouth as it melts, begging you to


stay at this thing called steeping, to drink me until your

throat folds into a fucked Fahrenheit.

There are ways that a man cannot love until he is

completely seen through. I do not mean clarity. I mean how


memories mustn’t be allowed to laugh, how a

sidewalk can crack when no one is watching

how I will still let you come, lurching toward my

back door, knowing what will happen to this house


if you open up its architectures again of no, thank you.

Please split me in two from cornice to porch. Please put your

hands over our hearts as I sing O say can you see through

what I tried to build around myself, surviving life with you.




 

Joseph Byrd’s work has appeared in The Plentitudes, DIAGRAM, Aji, Long River Review, The Ravens Perch, and forthcoming work in Fatal Flaw, Resurrection, South Florida Poetry Journal, and PROEM. He was in the 2021 StoryBoard Chicago cohort with Kaveh Akbar, was an Associate Artist in Poetry under Joy Harjo at the Atlantic Center for the Arts, and is on the Reading Board for The Plentitudes. He happily lives in Oregon, about 20 minutes from Multnomah Falls.

Interview with the Poet:


Cathexis Northwest Press:

How long have you been writing poetry?


Joseph Byrd:

Since I sat there surprised in 4thgrade as they delivered an orange-frosted Hallowe’en cookie to my desk, and I asked what it was for. I’d forgotten that I’d entered the school library’s poetry contest. And I won! I still feel that same surprise every time I have work accepted. And I do tend to forget that I submitted stuff, too. I’m kind of lucky that way.


CNP:

Can you remember the first poem you read that made you fall in love with poetry?


JB:

Yeah; it was Dickinson (“If I can stop one heart from breaking...) and my maternal grandmother had pasted it in an old photo album she’d made for me when I was 4, filled with magazine cut-outs of roosters and pandas and kittens and cowboys. That same grandmother hid my grandfather’s later letters to my dad, begging for a picture of his son. That grandfather had left when my dad was 4 years old, too. The ironies of a family, and that being the first poem I remember, aren’t lost on me. Might be part of why I write; to stop one heart from breaking.


CNP:

Who are your favorite poets? Any specific poems?


JB:

Kaveh Akbar, hands down. I open anything of his and I want to write! But especially in Pilgrim Bell, I can’t read “The Miracle” or “Mothers I once was” enough times. It’s not an overstatement to say it changed my life, working with him at StoryBoard Chicago. Jeff Alessandrelli’s stuff (his book Fur not light is a knockout) is like a walk down Hawthorne Street at night, with all the good things that creep out and come say hi. And Kurt Mikhael (@partyteeth on Instagram) has a zine (Thank you. Sorry about the world. Good luck.) that has been traveling everywhere with me now since July. He has a way of saying things that feel like the laundry list of your dreams, enumerating what you can’t believe someone else has named so clearly, and which includes the stuff you actually need to wash: your stale ideas of who you thought you were, and your inadequate sense of just how tender and vital the fabrics are that hold all of us together.


CNP:

Can you share for us a little bit about your writing process? Any specific rituals that get you in the zone?


JB:

I grew up in a dance studio and ended up at the Eastman School of Music, so discipline and drama were in the water. It’s part of what works for me, that there isn’t a day where I’m not writing, not experiencing the big feels of music and movement. That’s not me trying to sound interesting or excellent. I’m just lucky that I grew up with no choice, that I had to show up somewhere, and get some art done. Transitioning from the stage to the page has had its challenges, but it’s a heck of a lot easier to sneak to my notebook, with whatever book happens to be at hand, and start writing. No costumes, no rehearsals, no audience waiting for me. Well, there’s a totally different kind of audience, right? One that can bring and breathe poetry wherever they go: on the bus, or on their phone, or at a reading. It’s magic, how permeable this art can be, and how present.


CNP:

How do you decide the form for your poems? Do you start writing with a form in mind, or do you let the poem tell you what it will look like as you go?


JB:

It depends. Sometimes, it’s form first, and in its way, that helps what comes. Sometimes, it’s a disaster, and emptiness is form (but form sure doesn’t feel like emptiness).


CNP:

What is your editing process like?


JB:

Actually, I sleep with it. Partly because my wife is my editor extraordinaire. And partly because I don’t trust what I see with my eyes. I have to wake up again, and hear things fresh, and get them into my body, which means my family laughs at me as I carry around a poem on a piece of paper and let it sit in different places around the house. Almost like an animal skin that needs to dry in the sun, so things can get taut and colored and toughened.


CNP:

When do you know that a poem is finished?


JB:

When I think “I’ll never be able to write again, after this one.” And of course, I do write again. But that feeling, creatio ex nihilo (which isn’t really a feeling at all; more of a familiar place that seems to become a slightly more reliable geography as I age), that’s what does it for me: I know I’m finished, and I know I’ll be starting again, somehow.