Cathexis Northwest Press
A POEM IN WHICH I TRY TO PROCESS THE DEATH OF MAC MILLER...
By: Enoch the Poet
When I say “I like the taste of alcohol,” What I’m saying is...I like the feel of a throat in smolder, of lightning swallowed,
a quick strike/shock therapy/Pain induced peace.
There are nights when I am too anxious to sleep without a drink. Nights when I drown myself to stop from drowning. Somehow,
picking the means makes the outcome feel different. Rather a pool of liquor than blood right? Rather a stupor than a suicide? I’ve learned how to move around on fire,
I human torch/I ghost ride.
I drink spirits and swerve through lanes like a soul passing. Mac say “I never met somebody built perfectly.” Mac say
“dying from an overdose isn’t romantic” and I guzzle more whisky. Mac dies. Supposedly, of an overdose and I feel like I die with him.
They never tell you when you see yourself in somebody you can also see yourself in their coffin. Kirwyn tells me our fates aren’t connected
yet I can’t help but feel intertwined. A death helix. Two adjacent parts spun around each other with only our demons connecting us. And if we both
got the same demons and they ate him, even in happiness, then how do I escape being the next meal? I put on Swimming;
drink myself to sleep. It’s funny how ironic life is: I see someone I care about die of addiction and my addiction gets worse.
See a bottle turn a man into a parasite. See a father drink himself into a divorce
see myself in the mirror, drinking my liver scorched Black.
Im Burning man/Sunspot/dying star.
I’m a dying star. What I’m sayin is... I’m not sure if I’ve ever been alive. I hate the fact I have so much love
around me and here I am in another poem chasing after my own death, trying to pry another bottle from my
own fingers, on another night I can’t sleep, on another night I’m tryin not to drink. But I guess that’s the point right.
That I am still
Enoch the Poet was born and raised on the north side of Wilmington, DE. He uses his art to address issues of Black mental health, the Black social condition in America and the multiple ways in which these two topics intersect. He teaches various workshops around the tri-state area geared towards exploring self and using poetry as a form of mental therapy and rehabilitation. In April of 2017 he earned a spot on the 2017 Philadelphia Fuze National Poetry Slam Team as well as won the title of 2017 Philadelphia Fuze Grand Slam Champion. He then went on to compete in the Individual World Poetry Slam competition where he ranked 28th in the nation. He’s had work published in various literary magazines such as Wusgood and Open Mind Quarterly and before the end of 2017 he also published his first full length book of poetry titled “The Guide to Drowning.”