Cathexis Northwest Press

© 2018 

the difference between sugar and salt
00:00 / 02:01

in grief i cover my tongue in sugar

chocolate fondant cake

morning buns

a pastel de nata

egg custard flaking everywhere 

 

but all i think of

is the salt growing in my body

as tears evaporate 

 

— 

 

salt was precious once 

carried across the desert

on a thousand camels 

weaving south

 

a pound that could 

hold back death 

was more valuable

than gold or concubines 

 

 

decomposition smells like sugar

complex forms collapsing

into a simple syrup

 

 

the lesson of Lot’s wife

 

don’t turn back

don’t yearn for the past 

 

some moments must fall apart

if they don’t

you’ll only preserve 

hollow things

 

like a pillar of salt

on an empty plain 

 

 

 

in grief 

i yearn to crumble

into someone else’s arms

 

but i keep standing

preserved despite

my best intentions

 

 

what the Dead Sea reveals 

about salt

 

it will call upon

every open wound

even the shaving nicks

you didn’t know of

 

even in water

it only hides

crystallizing rocks 

as water recedes

 

no matter how hard

you push 

it returns everything

to the surface

 

 

at the funeral

they sugarcoat his life

of bruises and barbs 

 

i don’t mind

sugar dissolves 

my words will remain

Katie Simpson is a writer and photographer based in San Francisco. Her work has been featured in Quiet Lightning, HitRecord's Body Book, and Eastern Iowa Review. When not writing, she loves traveling and people watching. You can find her online at: https://twitter.com/honest_creative.

"The day my grandfather died, I had a sweet pastry for breakfast, trying to soothe my grief. But all I could taste was my own grief. This poem began in that contrast. My writing is usually trying to answer a question so deep I don't have the words to ask the question directly. Through writing this poem, I found the words both for the questions of grief and the answers that would heal me. 

For those reading this, I hope this poem helps you find your questions, and begin to find your own answers to grief."